Who am I kidding?

This week has been horrid. I am dying a slow death. I have been somewhat cavalier with my “disease” and this week it’s smacked me upside the head. Left and right I’m being screamed at “Hello!!! Wake the fuck up!!! THIS is NOT going away!!!”

My sleep has been terrible, again. My hands are numbing and falling asleep and I can’t hold the knife or steering wheel too long, again. My arms are weak like jello and feel like I’ve been lifting 50lb weights, again. My legs feel like I’ve done squats for an hour, again. My vision has been blurry and graying at times, again. I’m racing to the bathroom with diarrhea, again. On better hours I have the bubble guts and an extended painfully bloated belly, again. Oh and don’t forget the constant headache for the last ummm 5 days, again!!! Did I mention that this blog would be candid and I wouldn’t be sugar coating my trials and tribulations, nor my language, for your comfort? Um yea, hell to the muthafuckin’ NO…this shiz is real!! And my ass hurts sometimes, as most Celiacs will attest to, I’m sure. It has affected my relationships, sex, work, everything!!

The last few days I’ve allowed myself to go out and eat little bits and pieces of things here and there not even thinking twice about cross contamination. Like I’m some fucking super hero with gluten free armor in the form of a deep fryer that can burn all the damn flour off of anything that may fall onto my French fries should they happen to share a vat of oil with some damn breaded chicken fingers…WTF? My friend Tracey said something to me that has been resonating in my mind over and over again. Her sister is also Celiac and she said any little bit of cross contamination could kill her. Hmmmmm….that’s how she presented it to me. Well, she’s right! Here I am, going out thinking “Well, French fries are ok, they’re just potatoes”! Why is this acceptable to me?

I am in denial. There…I said it. We all are to some degree.

The food we are eating is killing us. Even people who are not gluten sensitive, or gluten intolerant, or gluten allergic….the McDonald’s and fast food bullshit available crap out there is KILLING US!! We are creatures of habit. If we don’t “feel” something, we don’t believe that it’s true! Right? We put it in the back of our minds, and we don’t truly believe it, for ourselves, in our own lives, even if someone we know is going through it. We stay in this state of denial and we don’t realize that there are so many ailments that are affecting us that are easily controlled with what we stuff our faces with. Like just the slightest of processed shit is so bad for us but because its soooo easy to grab a box of mac and cheese or go through the drive thru you don’t think twice because you’re not feeling the repercussions or symptoms immediately. Or your children are “skinny” and “look healthy” so they’re not affected. Not until 10-20 years later and 20, 30, 40, 100, 200, 300lbs down the line, over fucking weight and miserable with health problems or maybe just breathing-can’t-fucking-walk-without-getting-winded-thighs-rubbing-sweating-and-damn-I-stink problems, something snaps in us and says “WAKE THE FUCK UP”!!!! YOU’RE KILLING YOURSELF!!! Regardless of what a doctor may have told you or maybe a friend or family member at the 20, 30 40lb mark lol.

So this is me taking control now, while I still can, and before I stink and offend someone lmao! ‘Cause I’ll be damned! I have lost nearly 60lbs since I first started getting sick and it is not a healthy way to lose weight; I am in no way advocating this. But I am finally weighing what my drivers license states and I will not lose momentum. This is about being healthy and surpassing the general age of death that runs in my family.

I am breaking up with gluten because she is a bigger bitch than me! I am putting a face to her name in the image of that slice of pizza that jackass at the office shoves into their mouth every week and I’m punching that twat in the face and giving her a black eye. You’re not the boss of me!