The “Bread Bitch” has been conquered!

I did it! I was successful in making some yummy white bread! So delicious!

I used Gluten Free – Jenny‘s adapted recipe found here: Gluten Free Soft White Bread

SUPER EASY, AND SUPER TASTY! Here are the ingredients and directions taken from Jenny’s post:

  • 1 1/4 cups warm (110 degrees) organic milk
  • 4 1/2 tsp dry active yeast
  • 3 tbsp Wholesome Sweeteners Organic Sugar, divided
  • 1 1/2 cups white rice flour
  • 1 cup tapioca starch
  • 1/2 cup sweet rice flour (plus a little more for the pan)
  • 1 tbsp psyllium husks
  • 3 organic eggs
  • 1 tsp sea salt
  • 1/4 cup melted Nutiva Organic Coconut Oil

Whisk together the milk, yeast, and 1 tablespoon of sugar. Let sit until the yeast has proofed (almost double in size with a head of foam about 1 inch thick), 5 – 10 minutes.

Grease a loaf pan with oil or butter. Sprinkle in some sweet rice flour, coat the pan, and tap out the excess.

Whisk the rice flour, tapioca starch, sweet rice flour, psyllium husks, salt, and remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar. Add the proofed yeast mixture, eggs, and oil, and whisk until smooth and lump free. Batter will be runny, almost cake like.  Pour into the prepared pan, cover with a clean tea towel and let rise in a warm, draft free environment for 20 or 25 minutes or until the batter comes almost to the top of the pan.  Do not let batter rise over the pan.

Preheat the oven to 375 while the bread is rising.

Bake the bread for 30 – 40 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool in the pan then remove to a wire rack to finish cooling.

Here are some pics:


photo 4


photo 5

Rising (I did let it rise to the top, and over! Not on purpose but yea, because I’m a mindless baker lol)

photo 7


photo 8

photo 1

photo 3

Me giving the thumbs up! And Romeo waiting for his bite lol

photo 2

He approves!

photo 10

Breakfast with TOAST…YAY

photo 11

Please be sure to link back to Jenny’s post and let her know what you think if you decide to try this recipe!




3rd times a charm? IDK you decide!

Ok so I reattempted the gluten free bread!

This time I did everything perfectly! I even used bottled spring water because someone suggested it.

The bread rose, it baked fine…but it fucking deflated a bit AGAIN!!

AND IT TASTES DISGUSTING!!! Like why the hell does the recipe call for honey…it’s sweet and GROSS! And too damn chewy!! Too much xantham gum?? I can’t imagine it as sandwich bread with meats…I can’t imagine it with cheese in a grilled cheese…what the fuck is it good for? BUTTER! That’s it!!! Just plain ol’ butter!!

I’m so disappointed!

Bread rising:

photo 1

Done baking:

photo 2


photo 3

Me tolerating the shit:

photo 4

I promised you gluten free bread…

I tried…I REALLY tried…very HARD…TWICE! And I failed! I am the worst baker EVER. Really. I can cook anything. When it comes to baking, I suck. Because it is a science! It’s a fucking hard science of delicate steps dependent on the previous step being timed to perfect execution. And I like to wing things like the nutty professor in the kitchen.

First let me start this bad boy out by sharing the latest addition to my kitchen. See, we don’t keep a completely gluten free kitchen. My first error. My wife and daughter like to eat their bread and have their wheat filled crap. We keep separate shelves in the pantry. The cabinet for all our baking & spice needs is gluten free; I purged everything from there. But the toaster oven we’ve been sharing has been contaminated. So this weekend I took some left over money we had on a Bed, Bath & Beyond gift card, returned some wedding gifts that were lying around the house, not in use, and bought myself this beautiful Breville Smart Oven! I should also mention that our oven has been broken since August and they are still “troubleshooting” it (we rent!) So I am also the queen of toaster oven cooking lately.

My Brevee

So here is the recipe I tried:  ONE GOOD THING by Jillee/Gluten-Free Bread That Doesn’t Suck!

Mine sucked ass Jillee…Twice!

Here we go:

I had all the ingredients needed and quickly purchased the items that I don’t usually stock (see image)

unstocked items

I mixed her flour blend first using the brown rice flour, tapioca flour, corn starch and potato flour (I also used her trick of using instant potato flakes ground up to a flour like powder).

flour mix

I then followed her instructions to activate the yeast (yuck…this shit smells funny and is just yucky!) and I set aside the 2 cups of warm water with the yeast packet.

yucky yeast

I followed her next steps to mix the wet ingredients first.

wet ingredients

Yes…I was drinking…but this isn’t how I fucked it up! lol


Then you add dry ingredients and mix for the appropriate amount of time (noted in her recipe) THEN you add the yeast water slowly and it makes a cake like batter:

cake like batter

Here is what it looked like in the pans…and this is how far I got in round 1.


The dough never rose…it just sat there. An hour and a half later and we were still blah! So I chucked it. It seems my yeast was expired (ha ha ha that’s what she said, yea I heard it all this weekend thanks to Red!)

Round 2 went as follows. I got jumbled in my steps and over mixed the dry ingredients when adding them to the wet ingredients and thought…oh when I add the yeast water it’ll be fine! HA! It created sooooo many lumps which I tried to rectify by, get this, straining the batter spoon by spoon to salvage any part of it! ONE LOAF EVEN!


It didn’t work. I apparently fucked something up yet again because while this dough rose to the occasion, this is what it looked like when I pulled it out of the oven:


It deflated! Sunk in! Like a souffle…delicate bitch! I was so upset. All I wanted was a fucking grilled cheese sandwich this weekend!

I finished the bottle of wine.

3rd time’s a charm?