Thinking about going full paleo….

While I’m cutting out gluten, and we have officially broken up, I’m still feeling rundown and crappy most days.  I wake up incredibly tired, with aches and pains.  I don’t have my arms falling asleep every night but I still have a very restless experience, relying on Ambien most nights. I sit my fat ass in a chair at the computer all day for work. I just feel dumpy, lethargic, slow, no energy and sucky most days.

Yesterday I was all over the Paleo Parents blog.  Stacy freakin’ rocks! What an inspiration! She put it all out there…and I mean ALL lol. It’s really funny how we chose to see ourselves and those close to us. I was going through Stacy’s blog post with my wife and I said “I look like that! My belly hangs like that!” and her response was complete denial of this fact. Granted, I’m only 167 lbs, but I have a gut, I’m only 5 feet tall. Most of my friends have one too and we have ALL struggled to get healthier. Getting healthier cannot only mean eating right. I have hidden behind this for too long; so have my friends. You have to have some level of physical exertion + eating better to be successful. Especially when you weigh as much as I have in the past (240 at my highest), and do now, and as much as many around me do!  We are ALL in denial on some level. Stacy fucking did it! And she was 336 lbs when she started…and now she looks amazing but more importantly she FEELS amazing!

The running joke is that I am allergic to the e word…exercise lol. Well, guess what? In order to FEEL better part of what I have to do is get off my lazy, fat ass and just do the damn thing.  Don’t get offended that I call myself a fat ass! It’s TRUTH! Remember, I don’t coddle! Not even with myself…a spade is a spade is a spade. If you complain to me, I will tell it like it is.  My main intention is to FEEL GREAT most days. By doing so I know I will lose weight in the process…it’s common sense.

I know that I have emotional highs from eating sugar and carbs. It’s like a drug…I guess from everything I have read, it really IS a drug to our bodies and minds. I am addicted to Coke Zero. I call it crack in a can, SMH. I go days without drinking water sometimes…so gross, right? So I know purging and detoxing this stuff is going to be necessary at some point in this process. I’m just not looking forward to the withdrawal 😦

What prompted all this BEFORE I obsessed about and aptly stalked the Paleo Parents blog? Well, we try to eat “paleo like” quite often. If I could just get over my fucking bread obsession we’d be pretty successful at it, I think.  Sunday’s dinner consisted of a great steak, grilled with scallions. Simple! It’s one of our favorite go to meals.

I let the steaks come to room temp, drizzle a little coconut oil on them, season with garlic, black pepper, sea salt, paprika, white pepper, and ground mustard, and we grill them, depending on how thick, for about 5 minutes a side. Wonderfully medium 🙂 The grilled scallions are seasoned with a little salt and pepper.

Here are some pics:

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I think we can do this paleo stuff and be successful!  I need to remind myself to take baby steps so I don’t set myself up for failure. I will make that damn white bread first however!

Xo,

TJ

 

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Who am I kidding?

This week has been horrid. I am dying a slow death. I have been somewhat cavalier with my “disease” and this week it’s smacked me upside the head. Left and right I’m being screamed at “Hello!!! Wake the fuck up!!! THIS is NOT going away!!!”

My sleep has been terrible, again. My hands are numbing and falling asleep and I can’t hold the knife or steering wheel too long, again. My arms are weak like jello and feel like I’ve been lifting 50lb weights, again. My legs feel like I’ve done squats for an hour, again. My vision has been blurry and graying at times, again. I’m racing to the bathroom with diarrhea, again. On better hours I have the bubble guts and an extended painfully bloated belly, again. Oh and don’t forget the constant headache for the last ummm 5 days, again!!! Did I mention that this blog would be candid and I wouldn’t be sugar coating my trials and tribulations, nor my language, for your comfort? Um yea, hell to the muthafuckin’ NO…this shiz is real!! And my ass hurts sometimes, as most Celiacs will attest to, I’m sure. It has affected my relationships, sex, work, everything!!

The last few days I’ve allowed myself to go out and eat little bits and pieces of things here and there not even thinking twice about cross contamination. Like I’m some fucking super hero with gluten free armor in the form of a deep fryer that can burn all the damn flour off of anything that may fall onto my French fries should they happen to share a vat of oil with some damn breaded chicken fingers…WTF? My friend Tracey said something to me that has been resonating in my mind over and over again. Her sister is also Celiac and she said any little bit of cross contamination could kill her. Hmmmmm….that’s how she presented it to me. Well, she’s right! Here I am, going out thinking “Well, French fries are ok, they’re just potatoes”! Why is this acceptable to me?

I am in denial. There…I said it. We all are to some degree.

The food we are eating is killing us. Even people who are not gluten sensitive, or gluten intolerant, or gluten allergic….the McDonald’s and fast food bullshit available crap out there is KILLING US!! We are creatures of habit. If we don’t “feel” something, we don’t believe that it’s true! Right? We put it in the back of our minds, and we don’t truly believe it, for ourselves, in our own lives, even if someone we know is going through it. We stay in this state of denial and we don’t realize that there are so many ailments that are affecting us that are easily controlled with what we stuff our faces with. Like just the slightest of processed shit is so bad for us but because its soooo easy to grab a box of mac and cheese or go through the drive thru you don’t think twice because you’re not feeling the repercussions or symptoms immediately. Or your children are “skinny” and “look healthy” so they’re not affected. Not until 10-20 years later and 20, 30, 40, 100, 200, 300lbs down the line, over fucking weight and miserable with health problems or maybe just breathing-can’t-fucking-walk-without-getting-winded-thighs-rubbing-sweating-and-damn-I-stink problems, something snaps in us and says “WAKE THE FUCK UP”!!!! YOU’RE KILLING YOURSELF!!! Regardless of what a doctor may have told you or maybe a friend or family member at the 20, 30 40lb mark lol.

So this is me taking control now, while I still can, and before I stink and offend someone lmao! ‘Cause I’ll be damned! I have lost nearly 60lbs since I first started getting sick and it is not a healthy way to lose weight; I am in no way advocating this. But I am finally weighing what my drivers license states and I will not lose momentum. This is about being healthy and surpassing the general age of death that runs in my family.

I am breaking up with gluten because she is a bigger bitch than me! I am putting a face to her name in the image of that slice of pizza that jackass at the office shoves into their mouth every week and I’m punching that twat in the face and giving her a black eye. You’re not the boss of me!

Xo,
TJ